Now what??

The miscarriage has left me feeling physically very empty and emotionally unsure. Physically, I am fine. Everything has healed up how it is supposed to. But I am supposed to have 15 week old twins growing inside me. Emotionally, I have my days. I read a book "Heaven is for real," I highly recommend it. It helped. Each day gets a little easier, but I often left wondering why. I am constantly doing research on twin miscarriage rates, and the odds of naturally conceiving twins twice. I have came to this conclusion, from here on out I will never be at ease while being pregnant. Nothing is guaranteed, whether I am 4 weeks/10weeks/12 weeks/20 weeks/35 weeks/40 weeks. I will embrace every moment of every other pregnancy. I am not sure when I will get up the nerve to try again. I will not share my pregnancy with many people until I am in the 2nd trimester. The support and love from my family and friends is wonderful and I could not ask for a better support system, I am just nervous. Please do not take offense if you do not find out the next time that I am pregnant till 14 or 15 weeks, it is just me being overly cautious. I am also struggling with facebook. Clearly if you know me I am addicted to facebook, but I struggle with posts from pregnant women who complain. I would give anything to be swelling and have heartburn. Everytime I see a post of someone who is embracing there pregnancy, happy, and excited, I want to comment and say how happy I am they have a healthy baby. I would truly never wish a miscarriage on my worst enemy, so of course I am happy for my friends who have healthy babies. But everytime I see someone complain about heartburn or being tired from being pregnant, it takes all I have to not say something. I have to remember that before I had a miscarriage I complained when I was pregnant with Kennedy. I vow to never complain about being pregnant again. I wish I could comment on there status and say "be grateful." However, I do not want to offend them, or make them feel bad. So if you are reading this and you are pregnant please be grateful you are :) I found that people I never knew had miscarriages have shared their story with me and I think each and everyone of you who have shared. So where is our life as a family going right now....Kennedy tells everyone she has two angel babies with Jesus and she has accepted that, no questions asked anymore. Adam would kill me if I started talking about him, but for the most part he is good. I am okay, I am just ready to have our own place and focus on our little family. There are big changes (no, not another pregnancy) that are coming up for our family this spring (hopefully a house) and I will keep everyone posted. I will not be a daily blogger but I will be a big event probably once a month update blogger. Thanks for reading :)