One Month

Today was a different kind of day for me. My day started off okay. Okay is my new word. If you ask how I am or how my day was expect "okay" to be my response. I am okay. I am just okay. I was at work and I dated something 1/30/12 and realized it had been a month since the twins went to heaven. I am, again, okay with this. I just sawn that, sat back, and thought and reflected on the month. Tomorrow is Kennedy's 4th birthday and I have barely thought about it. I used to get so sad around her birthdays because she was growing up so fast and now I look at her birthdays a totally different way. Her birthdays are a great milestone of another year we get together. Another year of joy in my life and being one proud mama. My day was going okay and I thought about the twins all day and I only had one minor meltdown/moment when having a conversation with Kennedy. I shared with Kennedy that there will be someone very close to us having a baby (cannot say yet because they have not told many people). At first Kennedy said, YAY! Then she said "momma I wish the babies didn't have to go to heaven, I want to be a big sister." At that moment, thank goodness I was driving and she was in the back seat and could not see me, I lost it. I then composed myself and told her someday she would be a big sister, but until then we will be happy that the other girl will be a big sister. I told her she could pick out a toy or an outfit for the other baby. She then shouted, "miss you angel babies" and carried on her way. I have learned a lot from Kennedy through this whole process. She does not question what happened. She fully excepts it, and is okay with it. She tells everyone that her babies are in heaven. You can learn so much from little kids. While I am struggling with why, she does not doubt. Other than that my day has been okay. Thank you again for all the love and support. Also, my next post will be about Kennedy's three (yes three) different birthday parties, and hopefully an update for everyone about our housing situation.